Reflections on Death and Dying

            Death is inevitable everyday to millions of people around the world.  How we will die, when we will die, and what happens to us after we die are some of life’s greatest unanswered questions.  No one knows for sure what happens to us when our life on earth is over, but we as humans have come up with theories like reincarnation, spirits and heaven and hell to help us avoid the fears we have about the end of our lives.  I firmly believe that after our passing we go to heaven, as described in the Bible. 

            It has come as a surprise to many people that at the age of sixteen, I had never attended a wedding, but had attended multiple funerals and visitations.  Every passing is sad and they do not get easier as you get older.  Because of this, I have had many opportunities to reflect on death and what happens afterwards.  The idea of there being a God can be very difficult to comprehend, however, through faith I have grown to become a dedicated Christian.  Knowing that God exists has assured me that after my death, I will be in a better place, surrounded by all those who have died before me.  Despite my certainty of the existence of heaven and hell, the process of mourning for a loved one is not made any easier.  

I experienced the hardest loss of my life when I was twelve years old.  On September 20^th, 2001 my grandmother, Norma Jean Dawson, was diagnosed with lung cancer.  While all the other kids were talking about the terrorist attacks on the twin towers, I was busy thinking about my grandmother and how much this would affect my life and my family.  For the next ten months, I helped my mom look after my grandma, accompanied them on trips to London and spent as much time with her as I could.  As a twelve year old child, I didn’t always understand how much pain she was in or why she was always sleeping, but I knew that I loved her and that she needed me. 

In July of 2002, after returning from a week of vacation, we received news from my uncle that my grandmother had been readmitted to the hospital and she had been moved to Palliative Care.  The rest of my summer vacation was spent going back and forth from the Sarnia hospital to visit her.  I have many memories of the palliative care room where my grandmother spent her final days.  I remember sitting on her bed and talking with the nurses, who were always kind.  I loved to sit with her and watch television, build puzzles and have time just for the two of us. 

Palliative Care not only helped my grandma be comfortable and relaxed, but they also helped her keep her dignity intact throughout her illness.  They were there to aid her with her hygiene, so that she didn’t have to rely on her family.  This greatly improved the quality of time that her children spent with her, and prevented any discomfort between them.

At the end of August, my grandmother passed away after a year long battle with cancer that had spread throughout the majority of her body.  It happened only a week after her 69^th birthday.  I will hold the Palliative Care Unit, as well as its doctors and nurses in my heart forever.  I remember that Palliative Care always looked clean and beautiful.  I remember that there were always flowers at the reception desk, pictures on the lobby walls and beautiful furniture in the common area.  Palliative Care made my grandmother’s final days comfortable and relaxing and helped my family through a very difficult time. 

After the passing of my grandmother, I began to question my religion, and thus, my life after death.  It is easy to fear death when you don’t know what lies beyond it.  I think everyone needs to believe that there is something after their time on earth.  I especially needed to know that there was something more.  With time, my faith grew stronger, and my beliefs became clearer.  Today, I am confident that God has a plan for me and when He feels the time is right, I will go to heaven and join my grandmother. 

            I know that there are countless people who do not believe in God or heaven and hell.  When I am asked why I believe in God, I say ‘why not?’ I think that even if heaven and hell do not exist, believing that they do has only improved my life.  My life has been more satisfying, gratifying and meaningful all because of my faith.  Believing in heaven prevents me from fearing death, but rather knowing that there is more beyond the grave and that my story doesn’t end when I’m gone. 

            I know that everyone on earth will experience death at the end of their lives.  I think that many people are unprepared for it when it happens or have been waiting for it for a while.  It is sometimes easier for a family to cope with the death of their loved one when it is expected.  I can only hope that my passing is painless and that I have a long life on earth.  I can’t begin to imagine what heaven will be like, but I hope that I will go to heaven and live for eternity. 

            It is difficult for a twelve year old to witness her grandmother’s death and understand why it had to happen.  I love my grandmother, and she is forever in my prayers.  My life on earth is great and I can only imagine how wonderful my life in heaven will be.

I am now seventeen years old.  Last summer I attended my first wedding.  It was refreshing to see people celebrate a beginning rather than remember an end.  I hopefully, have many more years of celebrating to come before my own gathering of remembrance.  I can only hope that I have all the same love and support that my grandmother received.  She was an amazing woman and a very special grandma.